Two days ago, I just got an unexpected news from my company. I got promoted. I honestly didn’t think I could be this far in this company. Not that they aren’t good, it’s the opposite. The company and the people are incredible. It’s just… I don’t feel that I’m quite there yet, there’s still a lot to learn. But hey, wait a sec, isn’t this how the universe says that this is my time? This is how I learn with the supportive colleagues? What am I waiting for?
My mind goes back to 2019 when I asked my lecturer’s advice about continuing my study. I really looked up to him for certain things. He was encouraging me to pursue my career first. It made me down a lil bit (okay, maybe a lot) cause I really want to finish my master degree before turning 30 (yes, I am that ambitious). He said,
I know you can be bigger than this. I can see you as a manager in the future. I don’t want you to pick the wrong study and be in a rush just to avoid things here. Be patient and see how it goes. You’ll be ready in time.
Did he really talk about me? A manager? Me? Come on. I was flattered, but I did think he was just joking around.
It made me really sad. But screw it, I still applied to some universities, and… all of my application was accepted!! Unfortunately, I didn’t get the scholarship, at all. Then, covid came, so… I postponed it until only God knows when.
I was devastated for sure. I lost my confidence, my faith, my hope, my spirit. I’v prepared many things meticulously, only to get rejected. I thought, life is unfair. I got everything but not enough money to pursue my dream. Life made me taking steps back and think. I think a lot for an overthinking person.
Back to present. Now I see things clearly. I understand why those event happened in the past. I never see myself as a leader. If you know me, I’m a timid and not-really-like-to-talk-or-being-the-center-of-attention person. I tend to avoid crowds and be the observant. I like one-on-one conversation and getting to know people in smaller group. I’m comfortable working with number, make myself busy, and working alone. I wasn’t a people person and wasn’t good at talking or speak up my thoughts.
But here I am. Being an account manager which means I have to getting in touch with client regularly, presenting decks, working with bunch of people at the same time, and be the center of attention! It was a nightmare for me indeed. For the first three months, I was struggling and couldn’t even breathe peacefully or articulating my thoughts in order as so many things in my head. I had to jump all over the places in different accounts 7 days in a row. Figuring out their problems and giving the best solution I have. It’s been exhausting.
However, overtime, I can handle my issues (personal and professional), thanks to my team and support system at work. Eventually, things got better and I like my job. I even work like crazy till I finally realize that I don’t have life except my work. Lately, I feel bored cause I don’t have enough challenge. This is when God gives me new challenge. To. Be. A. Leader. How funny.
Have you ever been wondering how did you get here, where everything seemed impossible in the past? Sometimes time flies really fast and the other times it feels like forever. When my boss told me that news, my heart skipped a beat. What did I do to deserve this?
I can see my path clearer than before. I understand what my lecturer means by “you’ll be ready in time” and “no need to rush”. Even God and the universe gave me signs. I’m capable but that wasn’t the right time, God has prepared something big for me to experience and learn from it, to help me achieve my dreams. It’s not a no (I’ll take it as not a no, k?), but more like “wait a little bit longer”. I’m just hoping, I’ll be there soon.
Human can only plan and try the best, let the universe do the rest. We, human, are only able to see tiny part of the world. He knows the best.
— Nurul Nitagunadi.
